i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
