Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
