New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Randomize
