Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
