Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
