hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
