I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
