I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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