summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
