Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
