He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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