It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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