He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
