So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
