I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
