i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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