May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
