Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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