Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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