so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
