im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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