I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't turn off my feet"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
