I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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