so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
