I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
