She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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