im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
