cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
