I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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