I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
