I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
