I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
