It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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