Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
