matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
