I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
