Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
