Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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