i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
