Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
