I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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