I'm really into asian looking animals
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is it fun? or sober?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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