I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
