My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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