ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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