Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
