If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
