Got a toothbrush?
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
