so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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