I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
