I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
